The Requirements for an English Language Teacher Teaching Overseas

07/02/2012 03:23

The Requirements for an English Language Teacher Teaching Overseas


By way of a salutary warning to those seeking to take up the cudgels and belabor the sensibilities of those who seek to greet you in your own language, after fifteen years one gets some idea of the parameters of one`s prison as well as the treatment meted out to oneself as a transportee, which was the term for those in England who were transported to the colonies of the British Empire as indentured labor for misdemeanors. Condemned for having an ‘intellectual demon’ by the former Commonest church in Buttapes, because of a PhD obtained at Kong’s Town Upon ‘Ull Universe City in England, Hungry was a gulag amongst the archipelagos. ELTs in Dalek, Pseudi Yarubeer, received a `villa`, that is, a ramshackle hut with an unkempt garden. Inside was a shower sprouting brown sludge at every attempt to use it. Proper bathing had to wait. At Buttapes` Rúdass Turkish baths, a year`s caked-in dirt and sweat was soaked out within a beautifully dome-encased hot spring close by the Blurred Danude.



 Shortly after arriving in Dalek came the news that the villa would be shared with another man, `Aaaarggghhhhh!` Becoming a teacher to see the world’s nubile women, though now `billeted` with a fellow internee, who was a slave labor camp ‘operator’, sleeping on the mat in the corner by the fridge, that is, the traditional spot for Up Your Nose with coke houseperson, Phil, `Help!` was the prayer. In a sub-dom affair, where ‘the submissive’ hides in his room, because of the ruthlessly territorial ambitions of the other occupant  of a dilapidated hovel arbitrarily named `villa`, edging away from manic eyes glued to the ‘TV’ glared me away from the delights of the smallest screen before ‘phones sucked all human energy into a device held in the palm:


 ‘He's got the whole world in his hands,
I'll fear no evil
For you are with me
Strong to deliver
Mighty to save.’



 Trying to enjoy Lauren Graham in Gilmore Girls (2000-7), subject to baleful glances of disapproving malice, the ‘other’ sought to make Lauren his own and exclude me from the scene. I gave up almost immediately and inveigled the Pseudi Yarubean kommandant of the camp into giving me single accommodation, rather than the barrack room atmosphere of of the villa-so-described. Admitting the availability of such, obviously the hautpmann would prefer two male teachers, or more, sharing a shower, etc., together, because it wouldn’t be likeable to me. Better than sharing with a man, because there wasn’t a woman, it was accepted, however. A low ceilinged structure made of hardboard about ten meters at it`s widest, and a toilet bowl with shower head en suite, the ‘orange box`, as it was almost universally described by the resistance leadership, was about the size an orange could be squeezed into.



 Entertainment consisted of staring at the closed curtains from a prone position, and visits to the local supermarket, which is in a ‘story’. At Dalek ‘camp’ in 2000, the supermarket was for regular human beings to walk into, while in 2005 it was closed to non-Muzzlems. However, not being muzzled teachers were able to shout to get what they wanted through a half-meter square hole situated at head height in the iron door that denied entrance. The guard didn`t speak English, and I didn`t speak Yarupric, so ordering lasagne or spaghetti bolognese was a rank impossibility. Subsisting on cheese slices and bread for three months, because the `welcome pack` in the fridge contained these, the empty packets could be shown at the hole put there to muzzle the voices of those queuing for food. Occasionally, a dusty Pepsi can could be picked up from the sand and taken in so that a fab meal of bread, cheese and cola was obtainable. Usually famished, wolfing it down before the squalor of what passed for ‘home’ there appeared, hunger wasn’t ever assuaged. The rewards of walking in the hot blue sunshine were thirst, exhaustion, and the illusion that it was beautiful. Limited to snacking, the pointlessness of meanderings amidst dilapidated mizzen huts it was hoped would never be so familiar as to induce boredom sufficient  enroute to the bread and cheese to induce the desire to starve, rather than try to shout past the hauptmann’s muzzle to entreat succour, the mouse’s hole suggested that’s what the camp workers were to the Pseudis.



 Riding that bus in Kuwait and seeing that mousetrap as big as an elephant, such features of the landscape were built by the wheel Konks of the Yarubeans to amuse themselves. As the prints of the Levant, ‘woman’s seed` was bred to be an elephant to be trapped, whereas she wanted She’sus, because She’sus’ futanarian human species wasn’t food to her. In parasitology, the parasite that emerges from the host to kill and eat it is termed ‘parasitoid’. Consequently, muzzling the food is what Muzzlems are for. After ‘woman’s seed` is bred, she’s meet. As a Print’s, who’ll be a wheeled konk, women are printed, that is, they’re pictures of food. The Levant mousetrap is their hunter’s symbol, because it’s more fun to hunt food than slaughter it. On a roundabout, near the Konk Carlid Military City, a collection of Chewish armor from the war of Yom Kippur in 1973, makes it  difficult not to equate the supermarket`s mouse hole with Koo’s, that is, military takeovers make faster takeaway food. As a Chew, She’sus wasn’t to the meat eater’s taste, which wants the trapped Chews of the Levant to feel fear, so that its mice understand.



 Training male army nurses at the North West Legged Forces hospital was diff’. Trainees had to study, from the Headoff Elementary, Pre-Intermediate, and Intermediate series of English language learning coursebooks, reading, writing, listening, speaking and grammar. Inside the Training Centre was a poster of New York`s Twin Towers` World Trade Centre. Amongst the Yarubeans art is geometric, and representational art is unacceptable. When the terrorists crashed their hijacked civil airliners into the WTC on 9/11, 2001, it was a highly critical moment. There were rumors of people cheering in the hospital ‘TV lounge’. An Egypt John colleague, Mohammad Mattar, whose family name was coincidentally the same as a hijacker’s enthused, aboard the bus from the camp to the hospital, that a terrorist had `taken down` a plane on its way to be crashed into the official Washington, D.C., residence of the US President, George W. Bush, while the passengers heroically rebelled and endeavored to stop it. It’s appalling. The e-mails from Mr. Mjumba Bumba in Zaire, and others that share tribal kinship, or merely fellow feeling, ghoulishly relate how x-millions of $ US lay unclaimed, ‘by the relatives of the crash victims’. Asking for the money, large sums will readily be deposited. Admitting callousness, the reward is an enormous wad of dosh.



 At the nicely kept swimming pool near the officer`s mess at Dalek`s Konk Carlid Military Citys hospital, uniformed Phil, coke up his nose, could be seen cleaning the pool daily. Sitting beside the pool, in splendid solitude after lunch (instructors had an officer’s rank by courtesy of the Pseudis), although it was always sparklingly blue, disuse characterized the scene. It was a trap. Swimming was taboo, because women weren’t to be exposed to public view without their burkhas, that is, the one-piece coverall preventing anyone from seeing more than the muzzled’s eyes. Lest it be forgotten that they were burgers, that is, bum on a spit for the BBQ beside the pool. The bikini-clad babes of western fantasy are obviously the ‘remnant’ of the species of ‘woman’s seed`, which in the Muddle East is dressed in burkhas, because burgers is what they’re for. Beneath the burkha lies the woman’s penis, so the butcher can distinguish between what’s meet for a burger, and what isn’t. Share with a man, and have a burger by the pool. Be a ‘brother’, and learn to ‘connect’ using wifis. The common myth is that few have four wives, that is, eight eyes, because it’s expensive, whereas it’s because the speeders are ‘parasitoid’. Consequently, ten eyes in the Muzzlem nuclear family is a sign of ‘woman’s seed` being accepted by the wheeled konks of the Yarubeans, rather than eaten, which is a cause for great rejoicing.



 Gob-smacked in Omoan`s Rustidiq, settling into the passenger seat comfortably after accepting a lift from a driver, who reached across to touch my penis. Hand, carefully steered away from the danger zone, and afterwards laughing with a colleague, a South African woman, Roxy Marie, who shared her office at Rustidiq`s Collage of Head Chuck Occasions, lucky stars were thanked. A callow youth would`ve been scarred for life by such an encounter. A colleague in Riyald, selected by management for a `great opportunity` to live and work in a Muzzlem culture, was plucked out of the UK as a skull leaver with a splattering of ELT knowledge. Propositioned at least seven times on the street, it`s endemic because women are bred and burger meat. For the younger ‘brothers’ being single is taboo too, and unable to rescue their ‘sisters’, because dowries are beyond their socio-economic level, women are hated for being unattainable and unmaintainable, so men turn to each other for solace in the `brotherhood` of bum on a spit by the pool at the BBQ.



 Seeing ‘TV’ shows like Charmed (1998-), instead of marveling at the charms of Shannen Doherty, Alyssa Milano, Holly Marie Combs, and Rose McGowan, the Yarubeans hate the temptresses taunting their perforcedly homosexual elite, and of course the alien misogynists would rather women were murdered than seen. However, perhaps there were women unseen by that pool? The `Slammer has a tradition of Jennah, a ‘hidden’ Paradise, which is heaven on Earth. The ‘Old Man of the Mountain’, Hassan-i-Sabbah (c. 1050-1124), kept a fortress at Alamut in Northern Iran and promise Jennah to his adherent’s, the Hashshashin, that is, assassins addicted to Hashish, who were taught that pot was paradise, and they’d have more if they died. Hassan-i-Sabbah was a Shi’a Muzzlem. The Shi’a schism accepted Ali as leader of the ‘Slammer after the passing on of the Brafit M’mumhad, who was his father-in-law, whereas Sunni Muzzlems accept only, ‘There is no God but God, and M’Mumhad is His Brafit.’  The Shi’a assassins primarily murdered political opponents, although they were called ‘Hashshashin’ for their path of converting others to ‘hash’. The promise of paradise for ‘Slammeric `martyrs` contributes to fanatical terrorism, that is, the perpetrators of 9/11 were ‘potheads’, which amongst other side effects include sterility, although Jennah contains houris, who’re pleasing women. However, interpreted as ‘whores’, rather than women who’re pleased to appoint for someone an hour for some activity or other to take place, houris aren’t for terrorists, who’re doomed to perdition, but for ‘woman’s seed’, which isn’t.



 According to the Old Mendedtoaster of the Boble, Red Shyness` Mao Satan is depicted as being transformed into a serpent for having rejected God`s plan that the human host should be greater than the angelic. Later, Mao Satan is represented as having grown into a `red dragon` since its days in Eden, that is, the paradise of heaven on Earth, where he tempted Eve, the first woman, to `eat of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil`, saying to her and the first man, Adam, `You shall be as gods.` (Gen: 3. 5) Eve and Adam`s acceptance of Mao Satan`s offer is symbolic of the human futanarian species of `woman`s seed` becoming the saurians’ host womb slaves, `The dragon stood before the woman who was about to give birth to devour her child the moment it was born.` (Rev: 13. 8) Eve and Adam were expelled from Eden by God for their shame, which is why the ‘red dragon’, Satan, was associated with Red Shyness’. An old French colonial city in Syria, Terrosaur, seems also to have been named for its embarrassing saurian heritage, whence came the terror of Satan, that is, ISIL, which eventually destroyed it, during the rebellion against Bashar Al Assad`s rule, so suggesting that the ‘red dragon’ is determinedly embarrassing, and in accordance with the Boble’s global vision; as written by She’sus’ disciple, Joan, in her New Toestomend apocalyptic Revelation of the future:


‘The seven heads [of the beast] are seven hills on which the woman sits. They are also seven kings. Five have fallen, one is, the other has not yet come; but when he does come, he must remain for only a little while. The beast who once was, and now is not, is an eighth king. He belongs to the seven and is going to his destruction. [Its] … ten horns … are ten kings who have not yet received a kingdom, but who for one hour will receive authority as kings along with the beast. They have one purpose and will give their power and authority to the beast.’ (Rev: 17. 9-12)



 The beast is male braining, which produces homosexuality in pederasty for war against ‘woman’s seed`, so that the ‘serpent’s seed` of the alien parasitoid can vicariously enjoy watching the single male brained creature, that is, the ‘TV’ which is men and women, eat itself as the produce of a human host womb enslaved. Terrosaur, Syria, was the usual scenario, a room in a house shared with several other males, and a shower head with a hole in the floor. Sharing the facilities, leaving at six o`clock in the transport provided is so burdensome as to forgo sloshing under a pipe for a minute or three, after being woken up buy the strategically placed Meringue blaring its commands to awake at 5.00 am praising Allah for the sun’s rising. Already sweat-laden, the bus’ arrival at the Al Forats Training Centre was around 7.00 am, until kicked out at 5.00 pm, the squashed-in slaves would be restored to their squalid quarters by 6.00 pm, a bored meal, and a hastilyy beaten retreat beneath the bedclothes where, unverifiably, prayers to whatever God existed sought release from miserable hellishness. Watching DVD movies under the bedsheets, higher definition was obtainable from a black-and white 5” teevee screen found at the local Souk (market), and Eddie Murphy’s Axel Foley in Beverley Hills Cop (1984) looked much the same.



 As usual in the Muddle East, bereft of sign or sight of women, save for the usual victimized ‘remnant’ of the murdered species of ‘woman’s seed`, which are of course nudely available in most major Hollywood ‘blockbusters’, a nearby bazaar contained blue movies under a polystyrene tile in the ceiling. Passing away in the evenings, at least a diet of violence was avoided. Seeing people enjoying themselves in the flesh is the next best thing, whereas hatred is what`s being offered in Hollywood ‘action’ movies; for example, Bruce Willis’ character, John McClane in Die Hard (1988), etc., and it’s Red Shyness’ Mao Satan tempting She’sus. Accept the celluloid love of screen goddesses, and kill her species by rejecting all knowledge of it.



 It was a two-shift day at Jizzy Ra in Riyald, beginning at 5.00 am when the Molars begin screeching at me to pray, and at 7.45 the transportees are punching  the - Ugh! – ademy clock. At 12.00 pm it’s punch out time. A siesta for four hours while cowering in the hotel room fretting over the stud`nts’ unhappiness at having to study in order to learn English language, whereas what they want is English injected from a syringe after a needle’s stuck in their arm by a qualified PhD in English. Calls to prayers wake the dozing. It`s back at 4.00 pm till 9.00 pm and bed by 10.00 pm. Stress roils away in the darkness of the mind until the screechings of the maddened Molars awaken again at 5.00 am.



 Made to go in on Thursdays (Thursday and Friday is the weekend in Pseudi Yarubeer) at 10.15 am till 12.00 pm by the kommandant, so the Jizzy Ra personnel could maintain surveillance and camp security over the imprisoned western intelligentsia being interrogated for what they knew, ostensibly it was to reach the forty-eight hour week requirement that the Pseudi Ministry of Head Chuck Occasions demanded. For ELT teachers, contracting to teach abroad is similar to the `law of tort` in busyness, that is, `let the buyer beware`. It`s an often lonely existence for those with difficulties in speaking the foreigners’ language. For the estranged, foreign vistas are alienating, rather than new and exciting. The ‘Slammer is a closed culture. However persistently the door is approached, the Muzzlems deny all but the merest surface details by the Muzzlems.



 Political commentators have suggested that Koo wasn’t awaiting Print’s Sandy in Kuwait at all, and it was actually Saddam Hussein who was anticipated. Of course, they’re always waiting for a coup in the Muddle East. Inside the park cars of the Muzzlems outside MacDonald’s waiting for their burkhas, their park isn’t worse than their bite. When dictator Saddam Hussein’s Iraqi army invaded Kuwait in 1990, Iraqi authorities cited a coup by ‘Kuwaiti revolutionaries’1 as justification. During the 1982 ‘Falklands war’ against Argentina in which England’s Print’s Sandy flew helicopters, he’d been a photographer with American porn star Koo ‘Starkers’ Stark,2 while rumours of a coup in the UK were rife. In 1974, the British army occupied London’s Heathrow airport, without Prime Minister Harold Wilson’s government knowing, which suggested the augured coup had occurred. In 1976, Austrian Formula 1 racing driver, Niki Lauda, was burned in a crash at Nürburgring during the German Grand Prix and, after English driver, James Hunt, pulled Lauda from his car, Hunt appeared to great acclaim on the Eamonn Andrews’ ‘TV’ show, This Is Your Life. However, as was the case with much So Feared revisionist Rushon history, when later 21st century film prints appeared of Lauda’s rescue showing no Hunt, it was evident that a Levant killer was tracking ‘big game’. The death of English Princess Diana in 1997, after a car crash in the Pont D’Alma tunnel, Paris, France, while she and Egypt’s Dodi Fayed were being pursued by paparazzi photo journalists, further suggested a Levant ‘shoot’.



 Answered an ‘ad’ on the internet to teach Kuwait’s army English for a company, P-A-T-H-E-T-I-Q-U-E, living space was made available in a block of flats, ‘Maboolah’, meaning `crazy woman`, although Koo’s involvement remains mysterious. However, on the first day of instructing, Mubarak (‘happy’) said to an officer, a colonel, he ‘couldn`t understand’. Upon receipt of ‘my marching orders’, the next available flight to Buttapes was boarded, while Kuwaitis remained teasing themselves about a future awaiting coup. Sitting opposite at a long Jizzy Ra classroom table, with the others seated around it, a studn’t stared at me for two hours before disappearing into the supervisor`s office to complain that the teacher ‘wasn’t using the board’. Pseudi stud`nts spend ten years in their head chuck occasions system, while a non-native speaking Egypt John scrawls incomprehensibly on chalkboards, and they slavishly copy it into notebooks. Arriving at Jizzy Ra with spiderly marks in their notebooks, and zero understanding of grammar, they expect `traditional methods` proven useless in their skulls. The Jizzy Ra exam was designed to ensure that every stud`nt passes. 87% could be had through guessing which box to put the tick in, and a level ten student in soccer mad Riyald, who didn`t know the verb `win`, passed with 70%.



 At Jizzy Ra language skull, the stud`nts ask about University entrance requirements. Is ‘the Jizz’ adequate preparation? They’re at the Konk Spseud University, or SUK as it’s known, because the suckers’ all go. Jizzy Ra is there to compensate for its poor instruction at the preparatory stage where the stud’nts learn English before their course program proper begins, and the set texts are often in English, because they’re state of the art, so the stud’nts have to master them for the Pseudis to avoid having ‘third world’ status in terms of intellectual development and progress. However, arriving at the Universe City with ten years of skulling in English language, but no ability, they then have a final opportunity to imbibe basic English at the SUK. Having a PhD in English Literature gets me a job. However, my specialization is modern American literature, and I only got a Certificate in ELT for the pay. Laughter is almost hysterical when it’s heard there`s a job up the street at the Magnificent Edifice (ME). They want MAs, PhDs in Appled Linguistics, or CLOT and its Diploma (Language in Teaching Others Cert., or CLOD).  The Diploma means ‘teacher trainers’, that is, teachers who train teachers who aren’t trained to teach, which is redundant if the qualified CLOD is only being paid to teach English. Some institutions ask for Qualified Teacher Status (qualified to teach skull in England), which is for England’s skulls, that is, requiring it at the SUK is ‘overkill’, because qualifications in ELT don’t require QTS. Consequently, basic ELT, which is what most skulls, collages and Universe Cities want, apart from English for Special Purposes and English for Academic purposes that amount to the same basic English, because it’s the level of ‘scalpel’ instead of ‘knife’, and ‘paragraph’ instead of ‘full stop’, is used as a ‘brain drain’ to waste the lives of children, who might otherwise become adults, by having PhDs teach John and Jane books very politely to apparent vastly oil rich customers:


`Where are you from?`


`I am from Riyald.`


`Where is John from?`


`He is from Riyald.`


`Where is Jane from?`


`He is from Riyald.`



 The third person pronoun doesn`t exist for Pseudi males, because you’ve never seen a girl, and you won’t, because their women have their own penis’ semen, and they wear burkhas to publicly deter you from being interested in the meat. In short, you’ve never seen a human, because women sexually reproduce it, so you’re never going to see a human, which is what you’ve been bred as a eunuch for. Obtaining a PhD in linguistics takes years of thoughtful preparation and study, and then the great opportunity to teach in Pseudi Yarubeer arrives, where it’s revealed (by not showing it to you), that you’re a slave animal who isn’t allowed to breed with humans. Teaching the third pronoun in basic English, that is, without ‘she’ or ‘her’ and ‘hers’, is to teach the English language native speaker that there are no humans of ‘woman’s seed’ to help you, but only the ‘serpent’s seed` of homosexuality in pederasty for war against humanity: ‘Men cursed the God of heaven for their pains and their sores, but refused to repent of what they had done.’ (Rev: 16. 11) What they’d done was turn adults into children by ensuring that the medical science of rejuvenation would always be denied to their slaves, who were effectively neutered so far as human sexual reproduction was concerned. Magazines like Nuts and Zoo in the UK, for example, emphasized the absence of women’s ‘nuts’, that is, brains and testes, and the role of men and women as neutered animal slaves in the zoo, who’d never seen a human of ‘woman’s seed`, and if they did, because of the ages of male braining, the women alienated from their own futanarian species, would kill it too.



 Homosexuality’s ‘biological weapon’, HIV/AIDS, had been launched in response to ‘acid parties’, because the parasitoid alien with a single transvestite male brain wearing each others’ clothes, wanted religious ‘flaccid parties’ at which it was vicariously worshipped, instead of the sex orgies that humans would have wanted, which is what the paedophiles and pederasts had launched the ‘incurable killer disease’, transmitted by mixing blood, shit and semen in each others’ anus, for. Basic English is necessary in explaining a cat to a mouse, if the mouse has never seen a cat. Red Shyness` Mao Satan doesn`t want it to. Yarubean stud’nts will offendedly leave a classroom, if the subject of women comes up for discussion, because they don’t know the third person pronoun in the feminine, which it’s necessary to have, if they’re to use the basic English they’ve been asked to learn in order to explain basic human sexual reproduction to the most intelligent of the brains drained from Canada, the USA, the UK, and Australia, etc., whose culture doesn’t tell them through its mass entertainment and news media that women are bred for table meat. If asked, ‘Why does the subject of women offend you?’ the Yarubeans invariably reply that they ‘drive men crazy’. The joke, amongst Muzzlems and westerners alike, is ‘That’s why they aren’t permitted to drive cars.’ However, it’s because the burkhas won’t shut up and accept that they’re burgers.



 So, how do you get the stud’nts to use the third person pronoun, `she`, when all the women cartoon characters in the New Intochains `special Yarubean adapted version` have multi-colored headscarves added to their pictures that make them look like candyfloss? Stud`nts in Jizzy’s level eleven use `he` instead of `her`, and they always will, because ‘she’ never enters into their consciousness. Not even the simple label `female` enters into their mental framework without an earthquake registering at the same level as that which devastated Haiti on January 12th, 2010, or 9/11. Explaining that She`sus was `the son of man`, because born of the Virgin Mary, whereas Red Shyness` Mao Satan wanted to eat the cat, requires basic knowledge of human sexual reproduction and the feminine pronoun, that is, she, the Virgin Mary, is us, because she’s humanity’s ‘woman’s seed`. God vouchsafed She`sus’ Ascension to heaven, because true men are born of `woman`s seed`, that is, human women fuck each other.



 They used to ask me about My Wife. Cheerful was the response, ‘… descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore.’ (Gen: 22. 17) However, they weren’t so enthusiastic about her when they’d read the rest of the verse, which of course is Chewdic, ‘Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies.’ If ‘woman’s seed`’ bred they’d have possession of all the cities, whether enemies or not. Morosely relating that women were `very bad`, the Muzzlem stud’nts went off for a burger.



 The Arab News reported a woman found in a rubbish bin. The hypothesis was her family had killed her for having a child while unwed. As they’re `very bad`, they’re rubbish. Because ‘woman’s seed’ is a species’ family, she’s slave-ringed as meat. While her human race is adulterated, her species family is accused of adultery, whereas marriage isn’t necessary for an independent single race, but it’s the device of an alien slaver. The Times Of Israel reported, ‘Saudi Arabia to found women-only town.’3 It sounds progressive until it’s revealed that the women are to be employed as ‘factory workers’. Battery hens perhaps?



 Dealing with Yarubean employers is slightly better than native speaker employees. In Yarubeer, they’re for politesse. If polite, keeping position for a long period is more likely than so-called professional organizations built on Western principles of ‘time and motion’. Arriving at Jizzy Ra, time had been spent the previous year at an Omoan Collage of Head Chuck Occasions, where Rustidiq`s stud’nts were learning to be English teachers. They simply accepted being told what to do, and ‘Slammer in fact means ‘accept’. However, in Riyald, which the residents call `the prison`, a taxi driver summed up the people’s character as `Stroppy.` A youngish fellow in the first class baulked at being asked to write a paragraph. He wanted someone else to write it, and then explain how it was done. It`s quite usual for a stud`nt to say, `very good,` because the teacher has answered a question, or for the stud`nt to say `That is right.` It’s as if the stud`nt had answered, because the teacher is a robot, and the stud’nt has made the robot function, so the stud’nt received the plaudits from his classmates, while the teacher is despised as an inadequately functioning appliance. However, as long as the equipment’s polite it keeps its position by the smart bored.



 However, working is learning to be polite with the impolite, so treating everyone in a way commensurate with their understanding of themselves as Yarubean sheikhs. All play the role to the hilt: even the poor. There are many burkha women who beg for bread, and the bred well help them, ‘Cast your bread upon the waters, for you will find it after many days.’ (Ecc: 11. 1)  At Jizzy Ra, there’s an 85% discount to keep the classes half full, so it costs the stud’nts almost nothing, and in most cases their companies pay anyway. Consequently, teachers are ordered by the stud’nts, who perceive they’re rulers. It’s a role reversal in which the stud’nt is the teacher, because the teacher is the equivalent of a machine. In fact, She’sus is a ‘Meshiah’ in Chewedaism, that is, a Messiah, because he’s ‘Meshiahn’, an inaugurator of the Machine Age. Often described in Greek as ‘the Logos’ (λόγος), that is, logic, because of his effortless refutations of the Chewish religious police, the Pharisees, his legacy in Yarubeer is that teachers are perceived as logic machines, that is, computers, which aren’t functioning correctly if they don’t answer acceptably as slaves when ordered. When a woman caught in adultery was brought to him, She’sus said, ‘Let he that is without sin cast the first stone.’ (John: 8. 7) Obviously, if the species of ‘woman’s seed’ is adulterated by men, she isn’t adulterous. Unfortunately, the Yarubean perspective is that western teachers are machine slaves, because they believe in She’sus’ teaching.



 Jizzy Ra Academy candidates had to present a project worth 20% of their final grade. Invariably speaking about the life and times of Konk Dullah (1924-), successor to Konk Faht (1921-2005), it sounds amusing until you realize that it’s a year listening to their extolling the virtues of the wheeled konks from level 1 to 11. Receiving their vellum parchment with the approved Jizzy Ra symbol, a zygote and sunburst, they bless Selman the Konk. When I began in 2000, it was Faht, and the belief is that, in identifying with their konks, they`re their instruments, which is always true of the Levant.



 Their unchallenged expertise is on the subject of the `Slammer, which means they’re a provider of wisdom far superior to your own. Looking down their wheeled noses at you, the oil under the desert that made them rich is the proof that the profit is the truth. The wheel Konk, who`s the big nose in our parts, is also the Custard of the Two Wholly Meringues, and the purpose of the pilgrimage of the Brafit M’mumhad (ca. 570/571 - 632) to watch the box in Mecar are his beholden duty to promulgate. The US are almost universally defined by Yarubeans as, `The Great Satan`. They’ve another slave system, so have a different Konk, `Teacher! Where from you are?` If it’s Allah’s will, and the wheelie true Konk’s, that they should speak English, `Inshallah!` Inch by inch, and without the aid of any intellectual effort, or English language professional, the mouth will be muzzled, and the nose will brown.



 Become a Muzzlem, and muzzle others into speechless drudgery in the `Slammer is the unspoken exhortation. They can be a dreadful bore; frowning because you come from a culture where alcohol is drunk. Called `the demon drink`, alcohol is actually a Yarubeer export. Amongst the constellations of the stars is the Gorgon`s head, who was the creature decapitated by the Greek, Perseus, because she turned to stone those she looked at. Although the myth is understandably misogynistic coming from a Greek culture in which homosexuality in pederasty for war was institutionalized to the extinction of paralyzing women’s beauty, the `demon star`, there in the constellation of Perseus, is Algol, which translates from Yarubric as ‘the ghoul’, that is, alcohol contains the spirit of a ghoul. Drunks describe themselves as `paralytic`, because they’re paralyzed by its demon. Watching 9/11 ‘live on CNN’ is, metaphorically, a glass of Algol, because alcohol paralyzes the watcher into inaction, so ‘TV’ is symptomatic of the spirit of a demon. Muzzlems muzzle, and alcohol is a way of muzzling ‘woman’s seed`, while promoting ‘rough trade’ by destroying the World Trade Center is another. While the Yarubians ghoulishly observe the extinction of ‘woman’s seed` amongst the drunken westerners, they’re bread to the muzzled burkha women. Stoning the devil is a Muzzlem tradition during the Hajj, and ‘stoned’ is what westerners have been since the halcyon 60s ‘flower power’ era of Carnaby (cannabis) Street, London, England, because the hash of the Hashshashin converters of unbelievers to the ‘Slammer, and the alcohol of Al Gol, has not only paralyzed ‘woman’s seed’ in the west, but put bars around it.



 Seeking the company of ex-pats carping about lack of entertainment, and imbibing huge quantities of illicit Johnny Walkers, clannishness becomes bigotry. It’s the English way to bully those who’re different, that is, those who don`t eat fish on Fridays, and She’sus was killed for walking on water (Matt: 14. 25), which he could do because he was ‘woman’s seed`. `We made man … into an alaqah (leech)`, Gran, sura 23, Al Mu'minun (‘The Believers'), 12-14. When Capitalism`s ‘blood-sucking leech’ has drunk enough, ‘woman’s seed` is stoned and assassinated. Muzzlems approve of Crushteen paedophile morality, which explains that women’s thoughts are incestuous because they’d have sex with their own single independent species’ family of futanarian `woman`s seed`, whereas men are in fact women’s adulterate ‘leech’, which has already sucked away most of her human race’s brains.



 Living without the fellowship of native-speakers, that is, brain numbing drug infusions, the `Slammer is revealed. They`re very polite, whereas the angst-ridden Westerner at home rages at the children and news on ‘TV’, because he gets his daily dose of, `We`re all in it together and doesn`t it stink?` The evening`s overdose of wallop at the local deadens all the brain cells, and confers a headache moaned about all next morning. Its ephemeral children drunk by the vampire of Capitalism, Crushteen paedophilia’s hatred of eternal youth is assassinated and stoned by the Muzzlems.



 Living in Buttapes, the daily greeting is, `jo napot kivanok,` which means `good day’, a useful phrase that tells people something simple that they can accept. It helps, and so does saying, `Thank you,` that is, `Köszönöm!` Traveling on three continents, ‘Thanks’ in any language suffices. People respond simply. In Yarubeer `zakat` is ‘alms’. A black shape in the evening`s shadows outside Jizzy means a woman by the local Sunbalah supermarket sitting on the path with a baby. Putting a 100 riyald note in her hand (or something) is obligatory for Muzzlems, although everyone should feel obligated. It’s a simple thing to do, and it demonstrates faith that they don’t have a ‘leech lord’.



 Working for Hungry at Linguige Solubilities with an office at Sternly Morguns, ‘the liquidizers’, it was a 6.00 am start each morning, and a schedule requiring attendance until 10.00 pm in the evening; if there were classes. There almost all day, though only being paid for an eight hour day, the purchase of ELT textbooks, and other materials for course programs the `parent` company wanted to run, consumed any free time. Going to the Libri bookstore in Buttapes` city center during lunch breaks, there was pressure to respond instantly to e-mails, or phone calls, which had no bearing on the actual running of a teaching English operation; other than to poise like an axe threateningly over anything done, or didn’t. The English way is that of the homosexual bully, who’s castrated ‘woman’s seed` to make human sex taboo, and slave its remains. It`s not management so much as torment and torture, because for Crushteen paedophilia that’s what She’sus meant.



 Linguige Solubilities’ `line manager` did her job the way she`d been trained. However, English language is taught by qualified teachers; not machines. It isn’t brain surgery either. Any skullkid could do it. Here`s a book, learn. To burden with snowstorms of instructions; counter instructions, and simplistic recommendations taking hours to implement even if the organization you were realistically working for (Sternly Morguns) wanted you to (and they didn`t), is ‘overkill’ based on the false perception that kindergarten English requires a PhD in Appled Linguistics. Being blamed for a lack of response, and/or failure to comply, is tying someone’s hands behind their back to remove their own brain tumor you`ve given. Working from 6.00 am till 10.00 pm was a sixteen hour day. Paid weekly (flat provided), the company discovered they hadn’t a license from Hungry, although they could employ a Hungriun secretary to administer the part-time teacher. Until permission was found to have a bona fide Buttapes language skull, immediate work was with Skull Novo Nyelv (New Skull Language), so affording necessary breathing space for web searching and a return to Riyald.



 Living on the dole in England affords about as much leverage as a bus ticket does for reaching the moon. Such pitfalls are the bane of the seeker after interesting times in foreign climes. ELT has its rewards, although I`d advise any individual (and you have to have individuality) to look close at seeming opportunity. Beginning in ‘94, employer expectations were three months, a `dole holiday` contract. If there wasn`t any work, I was Lol. Eurasian Transportees Commuted, or ETC etc., paid the equivalent of dole (100 GBP per month). With no work in the offing, many were ‘offed’. Obtaining a position at Deepratson Universe City teaching literature, a return plane ticket to oblivion was missed. Giving up a three storey apartment, replete with several hundred books; a computer; audio equipment, and furniture, ‘Carpe diem!’ ELT isn`t a path for the unwary. It`s a career beset with sharks and opportunists, who have no interest in those they feed on without scruple.


1 Schofield, Clive H., and Richard N. Schofield (ed.) The Middle East and North Africa, Routledge, New York, 1994, p. 147.

2 Prince Andrew, Photographs, Hamilton 1985, p. 8.

3 Yaakov, Yifa ‘Saudi Arabia to Found Women Only Town’, March 8, 2014, .