Rhino Mud Baloons

07/02/2012 03:05

Rhino Mud Balloons


Surfing the net one day, I came across an ad for someone to work in Jakarta, Indonesia, for 11,000,000 RP a month. The name of the language skull’s blokie was English and they wanted a `native English speaker`; presumably from Australia or Canada was my guess. Someone who`d know what 11,000,000 RP is, I imagined. I notice this all time with those advertising for people to work as an ELT professional. They give curiously uninformative pieces of information designed to attract you; like a Susan Boyle (1961-)  CD without her picture on it. However, the truth is they`re unattractive; it`s a bit like those old Top Of The Pops vinyl albums in reverse. All the hits are mimicked by non-sound-alike non-stars, but The Sun’s Page 3 girl Vanya (Star Bird Marianne, or Daily Mirror girl Jilly, etc …) half naked on the cover sell it. Who wouldn`t be attracted by 11,000,000 somethings a month?



 Another version of the misleading information package is `accommodation included`. It’s later discovered either that the flat’s ‘shared’ (sometimes a room), and I`ve even heard of cases where new teachers have been expected to share a bed (same sex only), OR it means that, out of the meagre €1000 a month you`re due to receive (average salary in Western Newrope), you have to pay €999 in rent for the shared bed. Sharing a flat in Poe-Land, for example, with two other teachers who`d roll in drunk at all hours of the night making all kinds of ugly noises seemingly in the hope that they`d wake me, they unfailingly did. In the UK, where ugly noises were kept to a minimum during the night amongst those living in terraced housing by keeping a pot under the bed to urinate and defecate into, so that the toilet wasn’t heard to flush, the pot was called an ‘Edgar Allen Poe’, because Poe was a writer of horror stories. Consequently, Poe-Land might be expected to contain its fair share of horror material: ‘… forced to model my thoughts at the will of men whose imbecility was evident to all but themselves.’1 Pissing and shitting into a pot to keep the noise down, so as not to annoy the neighbors, is horror enough without being woken in the middle of the night by the ugly sounds of people you’d pay not to hear, which of course is what happens. Local hoteliers are often woken in the early hours of the morning by gibbering educators with fistfuls of the local currency to throw at a quiet room and a bed at exhorbitant cost so as to avoid the disciples of Poe.



 At a Gimnazium (High Skull) in a place called Lęgpork opposite the coast of Sweden, staying awake till 7.00pm after the skull was finished, sometime around midnight a rowdier colleague always awoke the sleeping. Living in what they called the `Teacher`s House` with its painted Union Jack on the side of it to let everyone know where the pariahs lived, it was Poe-Land’s idea of the ‘Star of David’ to indicate to the local bullys where the Chews lived. Not far off was an ostenisible museum of torture possibly closed by the bullys because it had removed as many of the local women’s penis as there’d been. Such living arrangements were typical of Eastern Europe after the Commonest bullets. Although the Swedish bullys were notorious for their liberal attitude towards all things sexy, it’s obvious to anyone in the cap it all west that the bullets in there, preventing ‘woman’s seed’ from being seen to produce brains from her own fucking her own host wombs, was an aspect of global bullets’ terror. Bullets in the brain ensured that ‘woman’s seed` wouldn’t develop any, because the penis of the human futanarian race had the policin’ of Satan.



 When you`ve done your stint as a quasi-volunteer amongst the desperate and dispossessed, better treatment is expected. Having never had any, the oil rich Yarubeans loomed as a better prospect. In the cities on the sand over the oil under the sun, it’s `Welcome`, and then a plethora of `No Entry` signs. Every stud`nt (male without exception) tries to convert the unbelieving infidel to the `Slammer. The mat with the WELCOME on it is for prayer, and if you`re not prepared to kneel to Holla, `Open Sesame!` won’t get the ‘native English speaker` across the threshold into paradise. Both the Muddle East and Western Chrushteen paedophilia have the belief that Satan, who was the Shaitan djinn, Iblis, according to the ‘Slammer, was doomed to perdition because he wouldn’t bow to Adam, who Chewdic lore depicts as a ‘hermaphrodite’.2 Consequently, the human species is futanarian ‘woman’s seed`, that is, Eve, who is euphemistically described as emerging from Adam’s rib, was a self-fertilizer’s birth. East and west have imposed the slavery of the devil upon ‘woman’s seed` by accusing humans of refusing to bend their necks, so Satanism can decapitate her.



 The paternalistic idea of everyone living on top of everyone else and having a jolly time was a non-starter at The Teacher`s House in Lęgpork. Being woken at midnight every working day by my fellow policed was a way of perpetuating some degree of enmity. Sharing only once after that, when desperate enough to take a job in Sudan, there was but a single attempt to use the shower, which appeared to have shat on the occupant. Expectations were what Scots’ colleague, Broad Slag from Abbacruddy, called ‘bird bathing`, that is, use a bucket. Learning to pee in a bottle, rather than break his eye-path to the TV, a local skip served in lieu of a flush when a quieter time could be found during the week.



 Dealing with fathers means learning how to work around someone to get anything achieved, which is what they’re for. Changing my name by deed poll to ‘Mr Toby Satan’, after the Intochains Toby cartoon model, who has been almost universally identified with Satan Himself, had been a way of disassociating myself from having to pay rent to pay rents for 30 quid. Dealing with the devils was TEFL training from the cradle. Skulls were boring because they had to be taught English before they were serviceable. Struggling to do anything other than give up after Primary Ears, and the systemic lies the English belabor the child with, it wasn`t until East European porno revealed the woman’s penis that the scales of the ‘serpent’s seed` were lifted from my eyes.



 John Major’s Tory government, perceiving that intelligence was in its mist, and horrified that it might wake up to the fact that its population of women had been castrated to prevent the UK’s slave society from achieving liberating brainpower, created ELT opportunites to dump those with higher consciousness, gleaned from pre-beggary higher education, overseas. In the aptly chosen Hungry, teachers who’d received an education before bank loans for the poor, were expected to starve. Toby, the Intochains cartoon hero, was expected to accept the loss of his three storey apartment above Vermins Shoes at 2B Hair Sell Road, Kong`s Town Upon ’Ull, before returning after 3 months’ equivalent dole money, to a poverty-stricken life without those possessions which every ordinary citizen accepts as a human right; a washing machine, a refrigerator, and a microwave oven. Spending 3 nights in 2007 in a skip outside C&A`s in ‘Ull, waiting for the SS to provide money for a B&B, destitution after $1000 a month sojourning in Sudanese squalor was what the future had in store.



 After Sudan, six weeks were spent in London being bled of cash, while awaiting a medical to again go to Dalek in Pseudi Yarubeer as The Doctor. Rumor had it that Pepper Potts had been captured by the wheeled tins of Skaro, according to the non-existent plot, while Iron Man wasn`t looking, `Exterminate! Exterminate!` Although the Crazy Golf War engineered by the former So Feared Onions’ Puttin’ had begun with the US‘ army’s removal of Iraq’s invading army from Kuwait in 1991, and continued with the US’ army’s invading of Iraq in 2003, the wheeled konks of the Yarubean Pinocchio’s tanks fought on both sides, so the Dalek Training Centre at the Konk Carlid Military City, where those in the nose kept their eyes on the Pinocchios ahead, was but par for the course.



 Pepper Potts proved elusive. Expecting an own classroom where The Doctor could at least work, and prepare the next day’s material, it was working alongside a colleague at desks made out of compressed cardboard, while seated on plastic chairs purloined from the cafeteria, in what amounted to a corridor, with Yarubeans bustling past us on the way to their leather-upholstered English Training Centre office suites, instead. Expected to write our names on a wipe board, and give the location where we could be discovered, we left the premises in the afternoon when there were no classes. Spending afternoons at the internet café (away from the Centre), it was a blistering certainty that there soon would be afternoon classes. Free time was spent looking at pepper pots in the café, while admiring the dissimilarities. Although disturbed at my admiration for the golden bosses on the sloping outer casing of the Daleks, and the way that the angle of the death rays seemed to excite me in a way to exact caring for the angle of their optical sensors, the hospital library internet beckoned. Assuaging any feelings of self-repugnance by assuring myself that it was the allure of ostensibly fake nude photos of Pepper Potts’ twin sister with a big cock that attracted, feet continued to be drawn as if magnetized to the mouse, the cursor, and the computer’s screen.



 Press-ganged into preparing test papers for no examinees, or revising hard copies of texts littered with errors and inconsistencies, which could never actually be correct, because the software necessary to retype and reprint updated versions of examination papers was lost, is normal in ELT. Newcomers think they`re doing work of importance when proofreading. However, looked at by someone who`s not a native speaker, and who probably wrote the tests to begin with, changes are unlikely. Improvers aren’t looked upon with fondness, and the text will remain understandable to the foreign rubbish that wrote it. If changed, it won’t be understood by the ‘experts’. In Hungry such gobbledygook is called Hunglish. All of the students get good grades, and a ‘native English speaker’ wouldn’t be able to make sense of it.



 Harangued for using the internet to ogle Crushdina Squealera’s pix, which was punishable by death in the west, though only haraam, that is, ‘forbidden’ in the `Slammer, the harridan, whose job it was to run the hospital library facilities, left the declaring of a fatwah upon me to Konk Carlid, the wheel nosed there. Skipping paying a month’s salary was a sign of ‘The Last Days` and, arriving in ‘Ull penniless to spend 3 nights beneath the palatialness of a cardboard counterpane in the C&A skip, there’re doubtless worse stories. An electrically heated water jug is indispensable equipment in virtually every other country apart from the UK, because everybody else`s water is full of crap. If it doesn`t say `single accommodation provided`, you could end up snoring into the face of a Rumanian, and if they tell you they`re paying a zillion Jellototems an hour, it means you won`t have enough to buy sugar for your tea in the morning.



 Advising a newcomer to Rustidiq Collage of Head Chuck Occasions in Omoan to keep the 4 liter plastic bottles the milk came in for to put boiled water inside and keep in the fridge, because that way there’s always drinking water, he produced such a moué a casual observer would have thought cyanide had been recommended for the children. It `s absolutely vital to maintain a water supply in the Muddle East with its odd store opening times due to five-times-a-day prayers, and virulent micro-organisms in the tap water. Boiled water can be had anytime, it’s simplistic to assume, but mouths burn, so it’s essential to keep a plentiful supply of refrigerated water, which means boiling water to refill a container whenever it’s empty of a supply of drinking water.



 Mrscat, in Omoan, is more often than not the hottest spot on the planet at around 40°. You can go insane if exposed to the sun for more than a few hours, and without water you`ll die, which may sound obvious, but dehydration is not something planned for in western culture. Headaches are frequent in the Muddle East for westerners, and it`s mainly to do with the heat. Air conditioners are often blamed, but with high temperatures air conditioning is essential. Consequently, cool drinking water’s all important, although refrigerated ice cool water can cause headaches, so it’s sensible to take the refrigerated water and put it into pitchers.



 Speaking as a teacher of English causes a sore throat, so the vocal chords need water. In Hungry I was diagnosed with an infection of the uvula, which is that part of the voice box that Yarubean women use to make those shrill sounds which are heard coming from cinema speakers when their Mahdi, that is, Holy War (Jihad) leader, is listening to his Riffs. A yokel suggested my uvula be removed, because he suspected terrorism, although it would probably mean death through infection, because the uvula is the key to the body’s immune system. Made to pay for the `op`, and though still capable of making some few sounds approximating to ‘native English speaking’ with the chords remaining, the guitar that was ‘Johnny English’ has been unstrung.



 Budapest salaries are little short of derisory if you`ve travelled. The average was 30,000 HUF per month in ‘95. Around 30% of the Hungry economy was `black`, and the language skulls paid cash. Working for a pittance gets you health insurance. As a visiting `vendeg`, hopping on the train to Komarom, and across the bridge to Komarnó (Slovakia) meant a further 3 months’ stay. As with the hot sun, the sand, and the `Slammer, you’re there only to work; not to feel welcome. Initially, the UK training centre offered `Korea or Hungry`, and Hungry wasn’t the career I wanted. Despite a Busyness Diploma (1980), and a TOSSALL certificate (1994), Korea wanted notarized copies of my Universe City degrees to be presented at its London embassy. Applying to Korea from Kuwait, it was evident from the monolithic mousetrap I could see from the bus window, as I traveled to work there each day, that Koo awaited a mouse about the size of an elephant, which was but an intimation of the Levant’s upcoming struggle. Axed from Star Wars: A New Hope (1977) as Camie Marstrap, it was evident that the game was Mousetrap. An astrological reading of the stars indicated Walt Disney TV`s Mickey Mouse Club, and its former star Britney Spears’ 2009 song, `If You Seek Amy` (F*U*C Camie), `Ha ha he he ha ha ho.`3 Surrounded by red planets in the video for the song, `Oops! … I Did It Again` (2000), Spears` Mars’ trap had already caught an Apollo Levant astronaut: `… lost in the game.’4 The game of Mars, god of war, is to prevent humanity from colonizing the planets amongst the stars by bleeding ‘woman’s seed` of the Earth’s resources she needs to get there.



 In Iron Man (2008) Tony Stark asks, `Pepper, uh, how big are your hands?`5 If Iron Man’s hands aren’t big enough to get the Levant out of the mousetrap, Britney Spears’ golden bosses on the sloping casing of her Dalek, which is what the stage the set for the video of ‘Oops! … I Did It Again’ is, indicate the purpose of the US’ Crazy Golf War alliance with the Yarubeans’ Konk Carlid, a ‘Pinocchio’, that is, another the boy made from wood. In the Carlo Collodi story, ‘Pinnochio’ (1883), his nose grew longer when he lied, because it’s a metaphor for those inoffensive seeming cars that, wending their peaceful serpentine way, in duplicity are having tank guns grown for them to sit behind instead. It’s the faggotry of displaced men’s penis, that is, the hell of institutionalized homosexuality in pederasty for war against ‘woman’s seed`, which is why men make boys of wood, ‘Exterminate!’ Lying about human nature, the alien possesses the host womb of the race of ‘woman’s seed` and exterminates it. Pepper Potts would need to have the hands of the Resurrected Jesus ascended to heaven as ‘woman’s seed` to save men of the ‘serpent’s seed`:


‘He's got the whole world in his hands
I'll fear no evil
For you are with me
Strong to deliver
Mighty to save.’6



 However, leaving aside the hegemony that men seek to impose through their hypnotic mass media campaign for acceptance of war over human sexuality and the production of brainpower to escape slavery, why would she? My hands aren’t capacious enough to get the Levant out of the mousetrap, and God knows I’ve tried. It`s possible Pepper Potts could disguise herself as a Dalek in the hope of persuading what’s under the wheeled lids of the exterminator to cease and desist. However, in Pseudi Yarubeer women aren’t permitted to drive.



 Hollywood`d be a ‘can of worms’ if the lid was ever taken off the sloped pepper pot sides of Doctor Who’s death ray sprouting machines, so it must be in the interests of the alien exterminators of the human species of ‘woman’s seed` to hold the lid down tight on the sexual repression its created to ensure that the lying tank guns of the wheeled konks of the Earth continue to grow as men’s displaced penis extension. All of them are become Daleks working for Siton, ‘the big nose on wheels’, a Lt. of Satan, who shows his rear until, grown out of his face, is the nose of the tanks’ guns of those sexual regressives driving behinds. If the human futanarian species of `woman`s seed` isn’t booted into the system as a viable future alternative to the trunkless head of the ‘serpent’s seed`, that is, the trap posed by Mars, god of war, the alien host womb parasite has bred from men and women a single male brained `TV` creature fascinating its prey with its snake eyes while it exterminates ‘woman’s seed’: ‘The dragon was wroth with the woman and went to make war on the remnant of her seed.’ (Rev: 12. 17)



 Receiving my B.A. in 1986 at ‘Ull Collage of Higher Head Chuck Occasions (H.C.F.H.C.O) on Wide-Open-Beaver Road, ‘Ull, it became the Universe City of Colon and Mumblaside, and then Mumblaside Universe City, which later became defunct with its buildings demolished, while apartment buildings were constructed there on the site of what had been an ancient monastery converted to hallowed halls of Academe, so obtaining a verified copy of my degree for Korea had become impossible. China’s more or less the same. Mouse Satan`s ‘little read book’ wavers offer around 8,000,000 RMB to the `qualified with experience native English speaker`, which would be Rhino Mud Balloons? Difficult to spend in Wapping. Arriving in Buttapes from Damascus with Syrian Pounds in 2004, and taking an overnight train to Vienna, and hawking them around the banking system, a clerk with a file full of normally unrecognized foreign rubbish agreed that mine were the same as his and changed them for Austrian schillings, which could be re-converted in Hungry. Except for the passport police waking me up at least fifteen times between 11.00 pm and 4.00 am on the overnight `sleeper` train passing through Slovakia, Moravia, and the Czech Republic, before reaching the border with Austrian border, gratitude was my middle name. Oodles of different kinds of passport police waving their IDs at me as I periodically fought for sleep.



 The moral is, `Be careful with money.` In Buttapes a tourista change kiosk offered to cash me up to a value incommensurate with the bundle, `It`s all I`m allowed to give you without a passport,` she told me. Further along, I didn`t need any documentation and received x 3 the previous offer. I`d have transferred the money from Riyald, Pseudi Yarubeer, but my employers had procedurally taken my Iqama - Residence Permit – so cashing the last month`s salary with my passport wasn’t possible. Always pack a woggle when lugging an unwieldy wad of notes through customs. Boy Scouts are at a premium. Carrying a wad of SAR to the Buttapes State Bank, they didn`t `recognize` Pseudi currency. Spending it they were happy with. Converting it to spendable amounts: no. If it weren`t for a change kiosk with a Muzzlem, I`d have stuffed pillows with it. He wanted SAR for his lifetime`s dream of making the Hajj pilgrimage to Mecar, where the women are muzzled, because they shouldn’t burkha cars as it attracts MacDonald’s meat wagon. The black silk embroidered with gold, which is similar to that of the women’s burkha, and adorns the box that the pilgrims walk around anti-clockwise, is called ‘Kiswah’, because the kids were beneath the burkhas that the women wore before emerging to worship in their turn the MacDonald’s burkha box, which is the fate of all in the meat ‘Slammer. With HUF a flat was purchased to aid the Hungriun economy.



 It’s amazing how stupid institutions are. What happens if the Pseudi Yarubeans want to invest in Hungry. Sorry, we don’t recognize petrodollar oil revenues. Supermarkets in Riyald are full of Hajdu,7 which is a cheese from Hungry’s Hajdú-Bihar region. What do they buy them with? Sand? SARs are recognizable, and the Yarubeans have nearly as much money as sand. Arriving in ’95 `small money`, that is, `kis pénz`, was `filler`, and an ice cream could be bought with it. Like the Olde English groat, it was phased out after inflation rendered it redundant as a denominative coin of purchasing power. Moreover, Hungry hasn’t really changed since the Commonests. Topping up the ‘phone is easy. Go to an ATM. However, to activate the top up it’s necessary to have access to a passworded ‘phone company website in order to find the page that allows the customer to inform Affordafon, for example, that the ‘phone top up is now needed. Otherwise, it’s a dead ‘phone, and a dead loss from the perspective of economics. After experiencing Affordafone most people wonder if Hungry wants to do business. There’re so many barriers to purchasing goods and services that many people assume that they don’t want to take anyone’s money.



 Hungry’s filler coinage collapsed after inflation; much as the penny in 70s Britain replaced the Rumun denarius (⅟2p = 1d) and flares became unfashionable because they resembled the nostrils of a ball snorting beast filling its nasal passages with gusto. Although the popularity of an item usually stabilizes the price and cost, the scarcity of hundreds and thousands of ball snort resulted in a fall in demand for ice cream by filler holders, and with nothing to buy with filler, the filler became redundant, because there were no balls for the beast to snort, although eyes were still screaming from castration. With 100 filler to each forint, the redundancy of the filler left the forint as the unit of currency in Hungry which, judging from Affordafon and the other ‘phone companies’ operations, roughly translates as ‘isn’t for’ exchanging for items or goods, because it’s a miser’s.



 In 21st century Hungry there aren’t any 1s or 2s, only 5s, because the miser quite perspicaciously observes that, if 1s and 2s can’t be spent, they won’t be. As counter staff have to approximate change due, because the goods and items aren’t sold according to the 5s system of price labeling, that is, it’s possible for an item to be labeled 57 HUF, it’s luck and kindness that determine whether any change is awarded. Of course, the miser wants the prize for itself, which suggests that the unwary person on the till in the supermarket risks punishment if her awarding of change to the customer is more commensurate with kindness than luck. It`s not a Mickey Mouse country, despite the US’ business invasion of the 90s, although it was So Feared Commonest Rushon before that, so there might have been some Chairman Mouse Satan influence from Red Shyness` little read book wielders. As the unwitting owner of a Porsche for collection at the local car showroom because of all the spare change invested, a green one: with an ejector seat for thieves will do nicely.



 Applying for a job in Omoan, a car was offered with the requirement of a driving license, so that I could die enroute to the teaching environment presumably. Yarubeans are madmen in cars. Skidding in pools of water in the winter not far up the street from Jizzy Ra language`s skull in Riyald, during a stroll at prayer time, it looked dangerous as, drenched in spray, the bumpers came close to the wall on both sides of the street. Swinging left, the car disappeared up another avenue, before reappearing several hundred meters behind, for another go at it. Returning to the skull with a respectful look, while stud`nts and staff remained avoiding class through prayer, the car sped on into the early hours. `What happened?` I asked a taxi driver the following morning on the way to conversation class. Passing a palm tree fallen from the row of such in the center aisle of the highway that is always disappearing off into the emerging horizon, `Pseudi driver,` he explained professionally, `crazy men.` Who’d want a company car to drive alongside these lunatics? Some of them fall asleep at the wheel and the wreckage can be seen alongside the main road off in the desert where the engine eventually stalled; choked with sand.



 Using a Walkman almost from the start of Sony`s inventing it in the early 80s, after winning a cruise down the Rhine through a local North Yorkshire newspaper, The Wide-Open-Beaver Advertiser, it offered cruise or cash, so a new-fangled portable stereo was bought weighing about three metric tonnes for £86.00. Strapping it to my belt, ‘world, flesh, and devil,`8 was subsumed by heavy bass and, in Dalek, Pseudi Yarubeer, 2000, Physical Graffiti (1975) occupied the ear drums in much the same way that John Bonham occupied Zep’s. Listening almost continuously in my walking or bus-riding time, the track `Trampled Underfoot` seemed definitive of the wheeled konks of Yarubeer: `Gun down on my gasoline, I believe I'm gonna crack a head.`9 Keith Moon, drummer with The Who, said in May 1966 after a session recording `Beck`s Bolero` with Jeff Beck and Zep’s lead guitarist, Jimmy Page, that Led Zeppelin would `go down like a lead balloon`10 and, as its coked-up nose gets closer to the tarmac, so has the human race. Led Zeppelin I (1969) featured the LZ 129 airship disaster of May 6, 1937, on the cover. A zeppelin exploding in flames at its Lakehurst Naval Air Station (NAS) mooring tower, Manchester Township, New Jersey, USA, represented an early nose dive for men who didn’t want ‘woman’s seed’ to get off the ground.



 Replacing more Walkmans than that Physical Graffiti tape, it was a Chinese Sunny, with a red record button useful for stud`nts’ listening exams and correcting pronunciation, that resulted in the loss of Physical Graffiti in the midst of a veritable rockless desert of music stores that featured only variations on the theme of Demis Roussos look-alikes with a beard and a white dress:


`My gnome is Abdul, Sunny not Cher. I yum ate teen yeahs. I leave in Riyald. I has five breather and eleventy cysts. I yam drove. Mike R a cheap. I`s cool Academy Jizzy-Ra. My farter he busyman. Mothers. No one known she exist. Pliz do not, men shun it. My fuvorit fud. It is kapsa. Sorry eggs queues. I doesn`t knewn in Briti [laughs apologetically]. My far fruit drink is mini roll wart. My fur fright collar is red. My wurk is a IT engineer. Thonk you.`


 Identifying the weak points and making copious illegible notes, listening together drew attention to mistakes. A Sunni day saw the red recording button on my Walkman accidentally activated so that, when listening to Physical Graffiti, halfway through ‘Trampled Underfoot’ were now the Yarubeans of the English Language Training Centre`s bus depot shouting what was doubtless of deep import in voices audible but never understandable to the unwanting listener. The cassette finally fell out of my pocket at the Hít Gyülekezete, ‘Faith Church’, Buttapes, and was never heard from again: although a postcard would`ve been kinder. However, knowing that a Zep track inconceivable in anyone’s wildest imaginations had been produced, soothed.


1 Whalen, Terence ‘Poe And The American Publishing Industry’ in Gerald J. Kennedy (ed.) A Historical Guide To Edgar Allen Poe, OUP, p.77.

2 Patai, Raphael The Hebrew Goddess, Discus Books, New York, 1978, p. 231.

3 Martin, Max, Savan Kotecha, Alexander Kronlund, and Shellback `If You Seek Amy`, Britney Spears, Circus, Jive, 2009.

4 Martin, Max, and Rami `Oops! … I Did It Again`, Britney Spears, Oops! … I Did It Again, Jive, 2000.

5 Downey Jnr, Robert as Tony Stark (Iron Man), Iron Man, Paramount, 2008.

6. Thomas, Sue ‘He’s Got The Whole World In His Hands’ in Edward Boatner Spirituals Triumphant, Old and New, Sunday School Publishing Board, National Baptist Convention, 1927.

7 `Hajdu` as a term for artful non-fiction originated from David Hajdu’s literary criticism at Columbia University`s Graduate School of Journalism.

8 Derived from a passage in The Book of Common Prayer, 1549.

9 Jones, John Paul, Jimmy Page, and Robert Plant `Trampled Underfoot`, Led Zeppelin, Physical Graffiti, Swan Song, 1975.

10 Shadwick, Keith Led Zeppelin: The Story of a Band and Their Music 1968–1980, San Francisco: Backbeat Books, p. 36.